Ice breaker questions for every situation

The best ice breaker questions are open-ended, easy to answer and suited to the moment. Ask about the shared situation first, then something light and personal, then follow up on whatever makes the other person light up. Below are 70 questions sorted by situation, from idea chats and new friends to first dates and travellers.

Starting a conversation with someone new can feel like standing at the edge of a cold swimming pool. The trick is to have a few good openers ready, then let curiosity do the rest.

Why follow-up questions matter most

The question you open with matters less than what you do next. In a 2017 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers led by Karen Huang asked strangers to chat online for 15 minutes. People told to ask more questions were rated as more likeable, and follow-up questions, which show you were actually listening, were especially effective. The paper also included a field study of speed daters, where asking more questions was likewise linked to being liked more.

So treat each question below as a door, not a script. When someone answers, pick out one detail and ask about it.

Coffee chat about an idea

For when you are meeting someone because you share an interest, a project or a "what if" idea.

1. What first got you interested in this?
2. What are you working on, or thinking about, at the moment?
3. If you had a free month to try this idea, what would you do first?
4. Who do you think is doing this really well right now?
5. What's something about this field that most people get wrong?
6. What's the most useful thing you've read or watched about it?
7. What would success look like for you a year from now?
8. What's the biggest thing holding the idea back?
9. Have you tried something like this before? What happened?
10. What's a small experiment we could run this month?
11. Which part do you enjoy most, and which part do you dread?
12. If money weren't a factor, would you still do it?
13. Who else should I talk to about this?
14. What would make this conversation useful for you?

Making a new friend

Light, warm questions for a first hang-out or a one-to-one coffee.

15. What's been the best part of your week so far?
16. How do you like to spend a free Sunday?
17. What's something you're looking forward to?
18. What have you been into lately: a show, a book, a hobby?
19. What's your go-to comfort food?
20. Are you a planner or more spontaneous?
21. What's a skill you'd love to learn?
22. Where's your favourite place in the city to unwind?
23. What did you want to be when you were a kid?
24. What's a small thing that always makes your day better?
25. Which hawker stall or café would you defend to the end?
26. What's a hobby you dropped but would like to pick up again?
27. Who in your life makes you laugh the most?
28. What's the best piece of advice you've ever been given?

First date

Questions that move past small talk without feeling like an interview.

29. What does a really good day look like for you?
30. What's something you're proud of that doesn't go on a CV?
31. What are you curious about at the moment?
32. What's a place that feels like home to you?
33. What's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?
34. Which friend knows you best, and how did you meet?
35. What's something you've changed your mind about in the last few years?
36. What's a tradition you love, from family or friends?
37. What would you do with an unexpected day off?
38. What's a song that instantly puts you in a good mood?
39. What's one thing on your bucket list?
40. What's something people are often surprised to learn about you?

Speed dating questions

You only have a few minutes, so go for questions that reveal personality quickly.

41. What's the best thing that happened to you this month?
42. What's the best meal you've had recently?
43. Mountains or beach, and why?
44. What gets you out of bed on a slow morning?
45. If you could be brilliant at one thing overnight, what would it be?
46. What's a small luxury you'd never give up?
47. What would your friends say is your best quality?
48. What's the last thing that made you laugh out loud?

Group meet-ups

Easy, inclusive questions that get everyone talking, whether it is a board game night, a run club or a dinner with strangers.

49. How did you find out about this group?
50. What's your connection to the topic tonight?
51. What's one thing you'd recommend everyone here try?
52. What's your unpopular food opinion?
53. If this group went on a weekend trip, where should we go?
54. What's a song you'd pick for a group karaoke night?
55. What's a local spot most people haven't heard of?
56. What's the most interesting thing you've learnt this year?
57. Would you rather have a long weekend every week or a month off once a year?
58. What brought you out tonight instead of staying in?

Meeting fellow travellers

For hostel kitchens, walking tours, shared tables and travel check-ins. If you are heading off soon, see our guide on how to meet people when travelling solo.

59. How long have you been on the road?
60. Where were you before this?
61. What's been the highlight of your trip so far?
62. Is there anything here you think I shouldn't miss?
63. What's the best thing you've eaten on this trip?
64. Do you usually travel solo?
65. What's something that surprised you about this place?
66. Where are you heading next?
67. What's one travel mistake you won't make again?
68. Want to come along? I'm going to the night market later.
69. What's a place you'd go back to in a heartbeat?
70. What do you miss most about home?

Going deeper, if it feels right

If a conversation is flowing and you both want to go further, psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues published a set of 36 questions in 1997 designed to build closeness between strangers. The questions grow more personal in three stages, and the pair take turns answering. The Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley notes that both people should be comfortable before starting, because some questions touch on painful memories.

A few gentle rules

• Share as well as ask. After they answer, offer something about yourself so it feels like a conversation, not an interrogation.
• Read the room. Light questions for groups; more thoughtful ones for a quiet one-to-one.
• Let silences be. A short pause is fine. Often the other person fills it with something interesting.
• Skip sensitive topics early. Salary, past relationships in detail, religion and politics can wait until they bring them up.
• Be curious, not clever. People remember feeling listened to far more than a witty opener.

On Now I'm Open, every card already tells you what someone is open to, such as a coffee chat about starting a café or a weekend hike, so you have a natural first question before you even say hello.