What is ghosting, and how do you deal with it?

Ghosting is when someone suddenly stops all contact without explanation, no longer replying to messages or calls. It happens in dating, friendships and even work. It usually says more about the other person's discomfort with endings than about your worth, and you can recover by limiting rumination, seeking closure on your own terms and leaning on friends.

If you are reading this because someone has just gone quiet on you, first: that is a genuinely uncomfortable experience, and it is normal to feel thrown by it. Here is what ghosting is, what research says about why it happens, and some kind, practical ways to move on.

Ghosting meaning

Merriam-Webster defines ghosting as "the act or practice of abruptly cutting off all contact with someone (such as a former romantic partner)", usually without explanation, by no longer responding to calls or messages.

A few related terms you may hear:

• Slow fade: replies gradually get shorter and slower until they stop.
• Breadcrumbing: occasional messages that keep you interested without any real plans.
• Orbiting: they stop talking to you but keep viewing or liking your posts.

Ghosting is not the same as someone being busy for a few days. Most people have gone slow on a reply at some point. Ghosting is when the silence becomes the message.

How common is it?

Fairly common. In a 2019 paper in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Gili Freedman and colleagues ran two online surveys of American adults, with 554 and 747 participants. In both, about 25 percent said a partner had ghosted them and about 20 percent said they had ghosted someone. In the second survey, 38.6 percent said a friend had ghosted them and 31.7 percent had ghosted a friend. The authors were careful to note the samples may not be representative, but the pattern is clear: if it has happened to you, you are far from alone.

Why do people ghost?

It is tempting to assume ghosters simply do not care. Research paints a more complicated picture.

A 2019 study led by Leah LeFebvre, published in Imagination, Cognition and Personality, identified several themes in why young adults ghosted romantic partners:

• Convenience: it felt like the easiest way out.
• Attraction elsewhere: they had moved on to someone else.
• A negative interaction: something the other person did put them off.
• The stage of the relationship: ghosting after one date felt acceptable to many, while ghosting after a longer relationship did not.
• Safety: avoiding a confrontation that felt risky.

Beliefs matter too. Freedman's team found that people with stronger "destiny" beliefs, the idea that a relationship is either meant to be or not, were more likely to have ghosted a partner and to see ghosting as acceptable. People who believed relationships grow with effort viewed ghosting more negatively.

Perhaps the most surprising finding comes from a 2024 study by YeJin Park and Nadav Klein in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General. Across several experiments, ghosters often cared more about the other person's feelings than the ghosted person believed. Many ghosted because they wanted to avoid delivering hurtful news directly. An earlier 2021 study of dating app users by Elisabeth Timmermans and colleagues concluded that ghosting is not necessarily done with harmful or conscious intent.

None of this makes ghosting feel better. But it may help to know that the silence is often about someone else's avoidance, not a verdict on you.

Why being ghosted hurts so much

Timmermans' study found that being ghosted was painful and affected people's self-esteem and mental wellbeing. A 2025 study by Amanda Szczesniak and colleagues in Personal Relationships helps explain why. Being ghosted and being openly rejected both lowered mood and self-esteem, but ghosted people were left more unsure whether the relationship had actually ended. They also stayed more emotionally attached and were more likely to check the other person's social media or think about reaching out.

In other words, the sting is not just rejection. It is the lack of an ending.

How to deal with being ghosted

Here are some gentle, practical steps.

• Give it a reasonable window. People do get ill, busy or overwhelmed. A few days of silence is not always ghosting.
• Send one closing message, if you want to. Something like: "Haven't heard back, so I'll take it you've moved on. All the best." Write it for your own closure, not to get a reply.
• Then let the silence be the answer. Repeated follow-ups tend to keep the wound open.
• Limit the checking. Since ghosted people are more likely to keep watching the other person's profiles, muting or archiving the chat can help you stop refreshing.
• Watch your inner story. Notice if you are building a long list of things you must have done wrong. Their choice reflects their own comfort with endings.
• Talk to someone. A friend's perspective helps. If the hurt lingers or affects daily life, speaking to a counsellor is a good step.
• Keep doing things you enjoy. Routines, exercise and plans with other people remind you that your social life is bigger than one chat.

If you are the one tempted to ghost

Most people have ghosted or been close to it. If you want to step back from a connection, a short, kind message is usually enough:

• "I've enjoyed chatting, but I don't feel a spark. Wishing you all the best."
• "Things are busy for me and I can't give this the time it deserves. Take care."

The exception is safety. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, you owe them no explanation. Block, report and move on.

Making clear endings easier

Part of the reason ghosting happens is that saying no feels awkward. Apps can help by making intentions clearer from the start. On Now I'm Open, people post short cards about exactly what they are open to, and a chat only opens when both say yes, so there is less guesswork about what each person wants.

For more on starting conversations well, see our ice breaker questions, or read our honest comparison of apps to make friends.